Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
