i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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