One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
