Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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