I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
