god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
