You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
