We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dignity is for republicans.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
