I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
