Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
