C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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