Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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