I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
