I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
