i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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