Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
