We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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