Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
