Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
