quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
