And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
this hospital has no fireball
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
