Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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