I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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