i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
