Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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