real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
