the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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