Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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