I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
