youre lurking in front of me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
