Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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