Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
