While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
