she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
