i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
