Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
