she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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