Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
