My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
