I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
