rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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