I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
