Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
