i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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