Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
