What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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