and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
