Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
