you guys were way drunker than both of me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
