his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
