There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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